The Movie Archive: New Reviews
Key:
0 Stars = Horrible Crap
1 - 9 Stars = In Between, Increasing in Value
10 Stars = Brilliant! I Almost Died - It Was That Good!
Title: The Scorpion King
Year Released: 2002
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 92 minutes
Starring: The Rock, Kelly Hu, Michael Clarke Duncan, Grant Heslov
Overview: When a cruel leader has caused much pain and death, scattered tribe leaders hire Mathayus to kill him. When the attempt goes wrong, he ends up with the leader's secret weapon, a lovely sorceress.
Date Watched: Saturday, April 20th, 2002
My Opinion: Okay, so I went to see it the opening weekend... I have a good excuse. The Rock is hot! Okay, so this movie didn't show off his acting abilities as well as it could have... just lots of skin and butt-kicking... which is good! Don't get me wrong. No sir. If you want to see how fricking hilarious The Rock is... watch any of the Saturday Night Lives he's hosted. Hilarious! Why does he always do drag? Who cares? He's hot. The movie was campy, I'll admit, but who cares? It's good time... no thinking, just watch and laugh. You already know The Rock is going to kick everyone's ass and get the girl, so just lay back and relax.
Final Rating: 6.5 Stars
Title: Training Day
Year Released: 2001
Rating: R
Running Time: 122 minutes
Starring: Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Scott Glenn
Overview: When a newbie cop pairs up with a narcotics veteran on the mean streets, he finds out he may be working with someone closer to the criminal element than one sworn to uphold justice.
Date Watched: Saturday, April 13th, 2002
My Opinion: This movie was way disturbing. Very violent and gory, so if that's your bag, go for it. (Side note: I can't believe Denzel won an Oscar for this. I wouldn't be proud of that. If I was one of the losers, I would sue. Ah, Hell, it's all a popularity contest anyway. I hate the Oscars, dude! I used to have faith until they gave the Oscar to Canadian Celine instead of the people with talent, yes, that's right, my boys of Aerosmith. Oh, hey, look, there went the point...) Things were at times just too tidy and quite frankly, not a big fan.
Final Rating: 4.5 Stars
Title: The Musketeer
Year Released: 2001
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 105 minutes
Starring: Justin Chambers, Mena Suvari, Tim Roth
Overview: Yet another retelling of that old Three Musketeer story.
Date Watched: Sunday, April 7th, 2002
My Opinion: This movie was so boring! I adore the story of the Three Musketeers. Burn me at the stake, but I think the best one is one with Kiefer and Charlie Sheen and Tim Curry. Don't mock me! Anyway... this version sucked much ass. Even the very talented Tim Roth sucked up the screen big time. The fight scenes are crap, the acting is horrible, the script should be considered blasphemy, and the characters are so blown out of proportion I wasn't sure it was the same story. Don't see it. It sucks!
Final Rating: 0 Stars
Title: Zoolander
Year Released: 2001
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 89 minutes
Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Christine Taylor
Overview: When dumb-witted Derek Zoolander is brainwashed by the eccentric Mugatu, he must turn to a reporter and his fashion enemy, Hansel, to stop the international assassination plot.
Date Watched: Sunday, April 7th, 2002
My Opinion: Oh my God! This movie was hilarious! Did you see Stiller and Wilson on the Oscars together? It should be required that they always work together... they are such great foils to each other! Stiller pulls off the stupid to an absolute perfection with Owen right on his heels. And, come on, Will Ferrell NOT be funny? Please! He is over dressed and overly hilarious. Sure, it's a stupid movie, but that's why it's so funny. It's not afraid to pick itself up and poke fun at how stupid they all are. Christine Taylor takes herself a little too seriously, but we'll just ignore that. And if that doesn't appeal, there are a butt load of celebrities in this movie. David Duchovny and his hand in glass... oh, good stuff, and David Bowie for God's sake! See the damn movie.
Final Rating: 7.5 Stars
Title: The Last Castle
Year Released: 2001
Rating: R
Running Time: 133 minutes
Starring: Robert Redford, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo
Overview: A court martialed officer is put in The Castle under the control of power-hungry man. The two lock horns leading to some violent, but interesting conflicts.
Date Watched: Saturday, April 6th, 2002
My Opinion: I liked it. Yeah, I did. Stupid Robert Redford... he's old, but he's still cranking them out, yo. That's okay, we like him... I guess. Gandolfini was seriously creepy and geeky, which was perfect. Delroy Lindo was in this movie too, but all too briefly. This was an awesome movie, though... The ending was all too perfect too. Just see it, it's good. I promise.
Final Rating: 7.5 Stars