The Movie Archive: O
Key:
0 Stars = Horrible Crap
1 - 9 Stars = In Between, Increasing in Value
10 Stars = Brilliant! I Almost Died - It Was That Good!
Title: One Night at McCool's
Year Released: 2001
Rating: R
Running Time: 93 minutes
Starring: Liv Tyler, Matt Dillon, John Goodman, Paul Reiser, Michael Douglas
Overview: Cheating, lying, self-serving... but gorgeous. That seems to be the theme of Jewel, who takes three men in three intertwined storylines for the ride of their lives.
Date Watched: Thursday, November 22nd, 2001
My Opinion: First off... Liv Tyler. I mean, come on... it's Steven's daughter. I got to give her kudos right off. But... I digress. The three stories that weaved together beautifully was a great idea. The most hilarious thing about them was the presentation of events that happened, according to who is telling them. (Example: in the beginning of the movie, Matt Dillon's character is closing up bar while his cousin, Paul Reiser's character, is still having a beer. When Matt tells it, he is suave and Paul is a bumbling drunk. When Paul tells it, however, Matt is a wild screw-off and Paul has barely had a beer.) At times, the men in the movie remind me of what a "Where Are They Now?: The Village People" documentary would look like. Ew. Michael Douglas, however, plays a sleazy, sex-depraved hitman with hilarity. But, the plot goes basically nowhere, as far as I'm concerned. It was a good idea, but not quite so good of an execution. The three men are basically annoying and it gets tiresome hearing about Jewel every second. What about me? Just kidding. There are three things in this movie you never tire of: John Goodman's priest, Michael Douglas, and DVDs. Don't get it? See the movie.
Final Rating: 5.5 Stars
Title: The Order
Year Released: 2001
Rating: R
Running Time: 89 minutes
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sofia Milos, Ben Cross, Brian Thompson
Overview: When Rudy's father is kidnapped by a Middle Eastern religious sect, he must try to save him.
Date Watched: Sunday, March 31st, 2002
My Opinion: Why do I keep renting Jean-Claude movies? Oh, right... Jean-Claude. Well, it was of his usual caliber... (Ooh, nice way of saying it...) Let's admit it: we watch for the butt-kicking and lack of plot surrounding the gorgeous Jean-Claude. Oh, guess who was in this? Charlton Heston! They make a hoopla about it on the box, but I can accurately act out his part here. Dim the lights! "Rudy, my boy... your father is in trouble." ... five minute car chase lapse ... "Ow, I got shot." Dies. And bring the lights back up! Thank you, thank you. Once again, cheesy ending and bad dialogue, but what else do you expect from a film that Jean-Claude wrote and starred in! Yeah...
Final Rating: 2 Stars