Aerosmith
Aerosmith: Tom Hamilton, Joe Perry, Steven Tyler, Joey Kramer, Brad Whitford
Band: Aerosmith
Members, Instruments, and Good Points:Steven Tyler: Vocals, harmonica, additional percussion, sexy, big ball of talented and sexual energy
Tom Hamilton: Bass, back-up vocals, hilarious, extremely crowd friendly
Joe Perry: Lead guitars, back-up vocals, mysterious, greasy in a hot way
Brad Whitford: Rhythm guitar, cute smile, shy
Joey Kramer: Drums, has a wife named April, can actually play the drums unlike some drummers (cough KISS)
Date and Time: Wednesday, August 13th, 2003; 7:00pm
Location: Riverbend Music Center
Opening Bands: Saliva, KISS
Well, man oh, man, are you in for a treat. I have a lot to say about this little debacle. Oh, wait... did I say little? I meant unforgivable! Gigantic! Horrendous! Okay, you get the point... Okay, deep breath, and let's begin.
My tickets were at will call so I had to go to Riverbend at 5:30 when the gates opened. I have never been to a concert that early... there were tons and tons of people standing in line waiting for the gates to open. It was disgusting. And they were all glaring at me like I was going to cut in line or something. I was just going to will call, people! Calm down! Sorry, but I was being shot daggers... whatever. Losers who had lawn seats! At first the stupid lady couldn't find my tickets and I thought: "Oh, shit... I am so screwed." But then the minimum wage mouth-breathing rat bastard found them. Whew. I decided to go home for a little while and chill out instead of basking in the heat and putrid conditions of Riverbend.
I got back around 7 and was walking up to the pavilion when Saliva came on. Perfect timing! They only played for thirty minutes and did somewhere between six and eight songs. They opened with an energetic "Click Click Boom." Hmm, let's see... they also did "Rest in Pieces," which the lead singer (don't know his name) said his "friend Nikki Sixx" wrote. What else? "Weight of the World." "Holdin' On." "Pride of America." I think one or two other songs. They ended with "Always," which is one of my favorite songs right now. Hell yes. Great song! I have to say, though... Saliva. Oh, my dear, sweet, confused Saliva. You don't need to synchronize your head banging. It's sad. Really. And you don't need to say the name of the city you're playing in over and over again. What you really need to do is stop learning how to perform from KISS... um, because they suck. Yeah. Good call. Oh, and capitalizing on the new found patriotism by talking about the troops and saluting during "Pride of America" was also pathetic. Otherwise, it was a pretty good set. Enjoyable. The lead singer looked at me. That always makes me happy! Plus I felt bad when I saw a sign at the merchandise tent saying if you bought a hat or shirt from Saliva, you could meet them. So sad.
As you can tell from the above paragraph, after the Saliva set, I went wandering around Riverbend. Checked out merchandise, went around the entire pavilion. Just wandered. I was bored. Around 8, KISS finally got their asses out on stage. Losers. (Hmm, can we see where this is going?) They got lowered from the ceiling... which I take as the symbolic descent into Hell that we soon were subjected to. Every song sounded the same. Every song went on and on. I can't even describe how repetitive and boring it was. They did this for an hour and ten minutes but it felt like a lifetime. In Hell. And their gimmicks? So lame. Spitting fire. Spewing blood. Being lifted up again and lowered again. On and on and on and on. For... ever. And ever. I'm not even kidding. I was praying for death. To put it nicely. (And trust me on this one... I can be way meaner.) We actually were counting how many times they said "Cincinnati" in just over the hour they played. It ended up being sometime like twelve times? I don't remember. I didn't have the tally sheet. But we had to do something to stop ourselves from yawning ourselves to death. Hmm, isn't that the tenth time I've used the word "death" in relation to KISS playing? Hmm... gee... how about that? Must be a coincidence. (Yeah.) And, oh, good god! The pyrotechnics! It was already 80 some degrees out and they were setting up pillars of fire that I could feel way the frick back where I was sitting. And the loudest fricking firecrackers and crap. So irritating! Breathe... breathe... you can do it...
Okay. I'm back. After an hour, they left. Then came back! An opening band was doing an encore! What the hell? You're an opening band! You should play 45 minutes tops and go away! Forever! Ugh! And the drummer did karaoke or some shit. Then they did some more songs that sound the same as the rest of them. The lead singer kept saying, "One more?" Thankfully, some people around me were also getting pissed off and yelled, "No!" with me. Oh, but they did. (Damn!) Finally, they did their one hit and left. Oh, the singer was playing to the crowd, trying to get them to cheer for him to break a guitar. I muttered, "You might as well, you can't play it anyway..." We were all so sick of KISS in my section so that went over well. Hooray! More venting: lead singer kept saying, "You know this one!" and would play something I've never heard before. He took off his shirt so I had to stare at his hairy, wrinkly, sweaty chest all night... that was when he wasn't shaking his cottage cheese, droopy butt at the audience. Oh, man, nightmares! I'm talking jiggling. Ugh! I feel vomit in my throat. And Gene spent, oh, 55 minutes with his tongue out. Dry mouth! And yuck! They need to get their butts out of their sparkly leather and spandex and platform boots and makeup... and go away. And their drummer seriously wasn't playing. He was hitting cymbals and you would hear snare drum... please. I'm not a moron. They are. I'm not. I feel bad for their "filling in" guitarist. He must be glad that he was stuck on the very edge of the stage... away from them. Ugh. When it was finally over, I wandered again to shake off the boredom and that sleepy feeling of anger that had come during their set.
When I came back to my seat, I sat and watched the roadies skitter about in a frenzied swarm. Poor guys. They were loading truck after truck after truck of KISS crap, er, "equipment." (Cough: stage decoration.) It was nearly ten before Aerosmith came out. Ten! Yikes! Riverbend curfew is 11:17pm. So Aerosmith and KISS are playing the same amount of time? Unfair! (I told you this was horrible. Any of you who know me know that this was probably therapy-inducing! Okay, that's actually pathetic, so on with the review!) Aerosmith had this huge curtain with the logo on it and flashed colored lights on it, which looked cool... yeah. I know. I have problems. And it was red and gold! Yay! There a roadie at either side of the curtain to make sure there were no problems. Steven did a little tease (not strip, you pervert) behind the curtain. Then it came down and they rocked out with "Mama Kin." He said, "Livin' out your fantasy: sleeping late and sucking me" instead "sucking tea." Okay, so I'm a pervert and I thought it was funny. Shut up. I'm special. They didn't even break and launched into "Toys in the Attic." "Your momma's got... I've got..." Oh, did I talk about their outfits? I love to bore people to death talking about their outfits. Steven had on tight white pants and a ripped looking white shirt. He also had a white cowboy hat with a black glittery ring about it. He even brought out his big ass sunglasses later. Joe had black pants, leather jacket, and a white and black ripped up shirt that said "Joe" on it amidst some design. He also had this kicking black beret-ish hat with a white star on it. Very hot. Brad had a jacket with a hood, a black shirt with some writing on it (I couldn't read it! So frustrating!), and jeans. Tom had on a white shirt and jeans. Joey had a black sleeveless top and pants. Okay, done with that.
They had this kick ass cat walk that went out to the middle of the pavilion and Steven was all over that thing. He is a such a diva. I love "Love in an Elevator." The song, not the act. The crowd really knew the call backs, so that made it even funner. Steven cat walked it for "Pink" so he was at the platform at the end when the lights went out. (Maybe the people groped him. We can only hope.) They also had pictures of the boys on the screen and were changing them into everything from Dr. Evil to Simpsons characters to Saddam and Osama to race car drivers to... well, you get it. Very odd. After "Jaded," he hit the lighted walk way on the right side of the stage (left side to him). He did a lot of harmonica action, distracting the audience while the stage turned around to a white backdrop and some logos that, honestly, looked like some "Lite Brite" (copyright, blah blah blah) creations. A winged horse that said "Get Your Wings," a flapping Aerosmith logo, "Honkin' on Bobo" around a saxophone and the like. Interesting. Anyway, Steven did the a cappela start to "What It Takes," which I absolutely adore. Then Joe came on the mic. What? Joe talks? What's going on? Where are my pants? Oh, sorry. Anyway, at first, everyone else was confused too because he was sort of muttering. It went something like this: "How are you all doing? We got a new album coming out in January. We're going to do three songs off of it." They did Aretha Franklin's "I Never Loved A Man Like I Love You" but "man" was substituted with "girl." Steven sounded fairly good. While Joe was playing near the end of the song, Steven went over to the right and pointed to his ears, then to Joe, then did some exaggerated guitar playing. That's Steven charades for "Joe in my ears... too loud!" So funny. Joe took vocals for "Stop Messin' Around" and he sounded absolutely fabulous! No kidding. Better than I have ever heard him sing live. (Kudos to Joe.) Steven hid in the corner with Russ Irwin, who I couldn't really see because he was tucked off to the left side (stage right) so he wouldn't get hit by the revolving stage. Steven hit up backing vocals and harmonica in the corner and even Russ got to be showcased. His keying skills were awesome. During "Stop Messin' Around," Joe was trying to introduce Steven for a harmonica bit but couldn't see where he went. Funny. Then, wow, my mind was blown. They did "Baby Please Don't Go," a Muddy Waters song, I believe. Steven rocked that song to no end. I was basically speechless. It was really, really good. (And it isn't just the Aerosmith worship talking.)
Steven hit the cat walk again for "Dream On" while the stage flipped back to normal. It was funny to see Tom, Brad, and Joey disappear with the stage then come skipping back out after it finished, like "What happened? Where did I go? There's the audience! Yay!" Okay, maybe not entirely like that, but you know what I'm saying. Or not. Moving on. Back on the stage, after "Dream On," Steven asks if we were around in the old days and if we liked the "old shit." "Where were you in '76? Remember this one?" Could it be? "Nobody's Fault." Joe and Brad faced off with alternating spotlights on them as they did their licks. It was really hot. It sounded absolutely great. I love that they're playing it. It's one of Aerosmith's hottest songs and they've always wanted to play it and the real fans have always wanted to hear it, so... hooray. You could really tell the wannabes from the real fans (like myself and those four dudes two rows ahead me. They were awesome.) It did suck that Aerosmith didn't have time to interact with the crowd and went from song to song to song without so much as pausing. The crowd knew "Same Old Song and Dance" and even got to sing a bit. "Cryin'" was fairly good too. I think was during "Cryin'" that Steven was at the end of the cat walk, did some harmonica, wore a fan's Yankee cap, then returned the hat with harmonica inside. Lucky bastard!
Then Joe launched into "Walk This Way." Steven did the "diddle-ay, diddle-ay" line, which, for some dorky reason, I love. The entire band did the cat walk this time, including Joey when he could finally stop playing the drums. Actually, Joey was staring at someone in my section like he knew them. I swear it wasn't me! There is no restraining order, I swear! Steven introduced everyone very briefly as they were coming down and, when they were all there, said, "You're fucking beautiful!" to the audience. Then, they all (excluding Tom) ran like they saw Godzilla back to the main stage. (Note to Tom: never get in a situation with the band where your life is at stake or you're the sacrifice, dude. It looked too natural.) Tom did some bass licks then launched into "Sweet Emotion." Then, he quickly ran like hell back to stage where Joe was doing that voice thing. Damn. Why can't I remember what it's called? No matter. During the long solo at the end, Steven put his mic over the drums to make Joey more prominent. Then, he began being a butt and trying to screw him up by sticking his mic in the way of the drumsticks. So funny. Joey looked kind of frustrated but, hey, it was something to do instead of the same old, same old. Without missing a beat, they started into "Train Kept A Rollin'." More good crowd participation there. Near the end, confetti started spewing out and just kept coming out until we were blinded. "Is Aerosmith still playing? What?" White confetti with gold and silver Aerosmith wings. You tried to cheer and it got in your mouth. It was fun, though. You know, until you got home and it came flooding out of your sweaty clothing (because it was sweltering hot, man, and we were all up on our feet the entire show for Aerosmith) and you were picking Aerosmith wings out of your buttcrack the next day. Okay, maybe I wasn't but I'm sure some drunkard was. Without an encore or a "goodbye," they were gone as the screen read: "The End." They left about 11:15, just beating curfew. My poor boys! A long, hot, sweaty, sore feet wander back to the car and home.
And this is the paragraph where I recall some Aerosmith antics. I'm not sure where these occurred so I'm sticking here because they were funny. That's all you need to know. I think during "Sweet Emotion" or somewhere right before, Tom looked at his hands and got this disgusted look on his face and wiped them on his pants. (Trust me, it was funny.) Oh, near the beginning, Steven looked at Brad with an evil grin. Brad stuck out his hand and motioned "no." Alas, Steven went after him and tried to put his hood over his head. It was hilarious! Brad ducked away quickly. Steven flubbed the words to a couple of songs. He did his lip thing (think "brr") then had to wipe off his microphone (around "Sweet Emotion" time, I believe). He did a lot of make believe "tokin'" and even asked Brad before "Same Old Song and Dance" (I think) what he was smoking. He took someone's cowboy hat and some lady's sunglasses too. Oh, and, on the cat walk, took a drink of someone's water and threw the water on the audience, then spit the water on them. Ew, but cool. Joe almost did his Chuck Berry walk but then it was no go. Tom and Steven were especially good on interaction this time around. Steven was high-fiving and kissing and hitting on everything in sight. There was his little boy, maybe two years old, on his dad's shoulders off of the cat walk and Steven stopped and sang to the kid. Aww! So cute. I think that's it. Thank you and good night!
Set List
Mama Kin
Toys in the Attic
Love in an Elevator
Pink
Jaded
What It Takes
I Never Loved A Girl Like I Love You
Stop Messin' Around
Baby Please Don't Go
Dream On
Nobody's Fault
Same Old Song and Dance
Cryin'
Walk This Way
Sweet Emotion
Train Kept A Rollin'
The MVP for this show is... everyone in Aerosmith! Yay for everyone! If you click on the picture, it takes you to the new and improved official website of Aerosmith.
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